Waiting...and waiting...and waiting

Looking around me is hard.

Everywhere I turn....babies. I am the lead teacher in the infant room at a daycare, lots of the people who live around me in my apartment complex have tiny children, just about everyone I knew in high school has at least one if not three or four kids. (Thank you Facebook, for showing me everyone and their gorgeous children.) And yet here I am, wanting to have a baby for over twenty years (yes, I have wanted kids since I was a kid, just ask my mom), and I can't try yet. We are waiting until Craig's job is permanent, we have better insurance, more of our debt is paid down, and we have a decent amount in savings. A lot of people keep telling us that we can't just wait until our circumstances are perfect, but I don't feel like that's what we're doing. I want to be able to stay home with our kids for a few years at least and not be constantly worried about money the whole time.

There is a positive side to me waiting to have my kids: the internet! And no, I'm not talking about finding out what to do if my kid has a fever or a random bloody nose. My thoughts on pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, diapering, and everything else associated with raising have a child have changed quite a bit. I used to think that there was no way I would have a natural birth, much less be considering a home water birth with a midwife and doula. And I also thought that my breasts were too small to be able to breastfeed, but now I know that it's not the size that matters at all. If you would have asked me a couple of years ago if I was going to even look at my placenta, much less have it encapsulated and eat it, I would have looked at you like you were crazy! And don't get me started on diapers--I plan on either cloth diapering or using elimination communication.

If I had gotten pregnant any earlier than a few months ago, I would not be as educated as I am now. I still have a long ways to go towards having the experience I desire, but I am definitely on the right track. For those of you who have had these kinds of conversations with me lately (especially my girls at work!) you know I have some strong opinions about how I am going try to birth and raise my own children but I am really trying not to push my opinions on other people. If someone asks me questions or wants me to clarify something, I do so without making it sound like my plans are the only right way of parenting. I don't like it when people I don't know very well try to tell me, "Sure, you feel that way now but just wait till you actually have a kid--it's all different." Yes, I know I'm not a parent. Yes, I know everything changes the first time your child is in your arms. But I feel I am more prepared before ever becoming close to getting pregnant than many people are much further in their reproductive lives (like they already have six kids). I'm not just talking about my personal internet research. I have been working with kids for almost seven years and much of that time has been in an infant room. This has provided the opportunity to deal with lots of new mothers (not in a negative sense) and see all different sides of choices. I know that if I was planning on putting my child in daycare, a lot of my choices would need to be altered in some way. Again, this is why (even though my heart is breaking for wanting a baby so badly) I am glad that I am not with child. Yet.

Whew.

This post has been in the works for quite some time, and there's been some things going on lately that made me decide to finish this up and get it out there. So here it is.